My Girls and I Part 3 The Nurse and The Purse.

Today I was pretty much useless in doing anything around the house so checked in with my girls to see what was new. There are always new topics. Some I get involved with, some I leave. This is one I put my 2 cents in. It was about being single, wanting companionship, maybe marriage and not being a nurse or a purse which for some reason the women do not grasp in it’s entirety.

One woman wrote:

Why are people getting married after being married for decades and then their spouse dies? I don’t see the point of it. It just complicates finances. I understand if it’s a first marriage or if you don’t have any kids or family. Maybe, if you need benefits or aren’t financially set Otherwise, you can love someone, live with them and do life with them without the complications that marriage adds to the situation.

One woman posted – Love comes to mind!

Another posted – You can get remarried and keep finances separate

Another posted – Some seniors opt for a ceremony in the eyes of God but not an actual legal one in their state. Many pastors understand the whys, chiefly because of financial reasons, complications.

Another posted – I know a couple who married because they wanted to be sure pension benefits went to whoever survived.

Another posted – I read a recent study that indicated that men remarry very quickly after becoming a widower or divorced. Women on the other hand are less likely to marry if divorced or take vastly longer than divorced men. While widowed women are more likely to get married quickly, albeit a little later than widowed men. It was an interesting article.

Another posted – Too many women who have never heard “a nurse and a purse” are sadly living it.

Another posted – As a 2x widow, I must reveal that I was not married to my most recent partner. However, I insisted on a trust. It was not cheap, but it gave me every legal right a spouse would have had. You see, both of us had property & assets going into the relationship & I was not willing to risk what my previous husband & I had worked for. Our trust included all medical & end-of- life contingencies. We were both fully covered.

My answer was – Now this is only my opinion. I have no issues with being married but it depends who you are married to. This nurse or a purse thing has me scratching my head. I understand that some women have had to care for their dying husbands but what if the other shoe dropped and you were the one that ended up needing to be taken care of? I have no issues taking care of a man that I love. There is always home health care, etc.. but to not want to share life and love with someone “in case they got ill” I do not agree with. Again, it could be us that need that care. And some wonder if their man would actually care for them. I understand that also. When I have had health issues, I had to take care of myself.

I could live with someone and not be married however if we were happy and in love, I would make certain that if I went first, he would get my house, etc… I have no one to leave anything to so of course he would get my home and whatever else I had. As far as the man in my life making sure I was taken care of in case of his passing? If he had children from a previous relationship, of course he would provide for them. I figure if I can take care of myself financially now, why would I need him to take care of me with his passing. IF he chose to leave me something, that would be his choice but I would not ask him to. I am so used to taking care of myself that issue does not even figure into my equation of things. I am not saying I would buy him anything he wanted. He would have to buy his own wants just as I would buy my own wants. I figure as long as everything is out on the table and we individually take care of things legally, what is the problem.

I was surprised that many liked what I had posted. I found it unusual because too many women who are divorced or widowed complain constantly about “They’re not going to take care of another man.” Or that all men want is a woman to financially take care of them. I understand these things are important but not all men are that way. And if I am to be honest, there are a lot of women that count on a man to take care of them financially. And yes, I do get told off a lot. That is when I tell them that I have never needed a man to take care of me. For me to want a man in my life is just that…. a want. They have yet to see the difference but I bet their old tongues are just a wagging. It is what it is.