Don’t Fall In Love With Me

I’ve never been one to fall easily for someone. If I have ever liked someone, I have had to mull it over for a while. In fact I’ve never known when someone has liked me. I am rather daft that way. Even if I have liked someone, I figure they would have to be really hard up to want to be with me. I am not your typical girl. I am rather boring, dyslexic and tend to look deep within a person that I care for. Some have even called me guarded, among other things. I have been called stuck up, snob, the ice queen, cold as ice, a bitch, you name it just because I did not fall for some pretty boys con job. They could flash that smile or flex that muscle and it did nothing for me so I guess I have earned all those names. Don’t fall in love with me if you are fake.

If I like someone I pay attention to what they say whether we speak, text or email. Most times I am lucky enough to read between their lines and what I read from their silence. If that bothers you, don’t fall in love with me. I like to know how a person treats people when they have nothing to gain from it. One can tell if it is to draw attention to themselves or not. If one is a natural, you can see it. And if not, that is when my guard goes back up.

The most amazing part of loving a guarded woman is realizing she did not let you in her life by accident. She let you in because she saw something in you that felt solid. So instead of keeping her guard up, she chose you. Choice means everything and if she would never be your choice, don’t fall in love with her but remember, she would not have chosen you if she felt things were not as they appeared to be.

As you begin to talk, to share things, I can speak of things that happened long ago that I dealt with. I will hold back things that I have told no one. If I relate sensitive issues that have caused me pain in my life, I am offering you a piece of myself that I haven’t shared with many others. As time goes on, once I feel totally safe with you, I will share the deepest parts of me. The parts that no one else knows. So don’t fall in love with me if you cannot handle it, because how you do, will show me everything I need to know about you.

You will not have to wonder if I am falling for you. I want to say that you will feel it. Words can only do so much but the eyes, the softness of ones face, the ease of how I am with you and how I pay attention to what you say, remembering what you like to drink or eat without having to ask you. And the support you get from me even when I am having a bad day, will say it all.

I will not always share words. I am quite fluent in saying nothing at all. I can sit with you in silence, to exist beside you and feel safe in the quiet trust I have for you. I will make sure you have food when you have forgotten to eat. When your world gets loud, I will try to quiet your surroundings as best I can. I have always had to be the strong one, pretending that I did not need anyone. But for you, I will be brave enough to let you see my softness.

I’ve never wanted perfection. I do want someone honest and steady. I want to fall asleep feeling safe and loved without holding my breath. If by chance you decide to not chose me or are afraid to take that chance with me, don’t fall in love with me. I won’t beg you to. I won’t chase after you. I will suck it up and quietly walk away. If you choose me, I will give you everything. My time, my trust, my whole heart.

Real love does not just happen quickly. I think we stumble into it. It takes two people who will not give up on each other. And that is pretty damn special. As I have always said, this is not a dress rehearsal. Life is short. Grab the happiness and if you find it hard to even try for whatever reason, don’t fall in love with me.